and when you think it can't get any more weird?
My past is back to haunt me
Confessions of an addict
post fin raziel
crazy awesome (or wicked as fin raziel expressed it) weekend in wales with lovely people!
we go where the horses go. and we got brains :)
hung out with sleepy matt & john the eye closer :p
but then we forgot we were listening.
too happy for our own good.
the hills were alive and we only do trains.
was somehting about the dogs.
cwmbran.
because of the sheep?
- nooooo, because of the sheperd!!
And then we left vanessa and got home to frankie. in spain. and it was xmas.
but I need fin raziel.
In the land of confusion..
..is where I happen to be. Lost myself on the way home. The signs are pointing at different directions and Im not sure which path to choose. Denial, Escape, Humiliation, Exposure, Confession, Forgetfulness, Uncertainty... So either path I choose will bring me misery. Im not being negative - but this is gonna get ugly. There are at least four people in this mess, and It's unlikely that the outcome will be satisfying to everyone. If I only knew what was less bad. Or maybe I do, it's to take the hit myself. But do I wanna? Don't I always take the hit? Isn't it my turn to find my way home this time? Oh, I wish I had a Sadie in me....
Maltings BBQ
it's the 24th of april.. it's not spring - more like summer.
The maltesers are spending the day in the sun and finishing of with a BBQ.
you gotta love it.
Oh. My. God.
suffering severe memory loss.
craziest nite ever.
...or so I've heard.
...har jag förmågan att glömma bort
...sen en tid tillbaka har jag varit trött
Försökt att vara allt på samma gång
Så mycket man kan göra och borde och vill
Mitt i allt så ska man räcka till
Sen en tid tillbaka har jag varit tom
Och försökt att hitta spår som leder rätt
Ja det finns så mycket måsten att vara bra på det man kan
Och mitt i allt så ska man vara sann
Jag har ändrat i mitt rum, köpt nya möbler
Och samlat damm på min gitarr
För allting jag skriver blir ändå för kort
Och allt som är bra med mig har jag förmågan att glömma bort
Sen en tid tillbaka har jag varit tyst
Och försökt att känna efter hur det känns
Ja man gör som alla andra och försöker att bli van
Men jag har tröttnat på att vara likadan
Sen en tid tillbaka har jag känt mig svag
Och försökt att vara nån till lags
Ja man kämpar för en plats som passar både här och där
Och snart har man glömt vem man är
Och jag har ändrat i mitt rum, köpt nya möbler
Och samlat damm på min gitarr
För allting jag skriver det blir ändå för kort
Och allt som är bra med mig har jag förmågan att glömma bort
Sen en tid tillbaka har jag tänkt såhär
Och insett att jag måste börja om
Ja jag har kämpat för en plats som passar både här och där
Men snart ska jag hitta den jag är
Jag har ändrat i mitt rum, köpt nya kläder
Och samlat damm på min gitarr
Men i vad jag än tar på mig känner jag mig alltför kort
Och allt som är bra med mig har jag förmågan att glömma bort
Ja jag har ändrat i mitt rum, köpt nya möbler
Och samlat damm på min gitarr
För allting jag skriver det blir ändå för kort
Och allt som är bra med mig har jag förmågan att glömma bort
abstinens
JAG VILL HA KAMA SUSHI!!!!!!!!!!!!
shopholic
what are u supposed to do on an easter monday - when you're sick and bored.
hit new st (together with thousands of people apparantly..)
that's all for now... better pack for london tmrw baby ;)
away with the pixes
as always.
but this time it's gotta be different! it has to. I can feel it, it's going to...
it's gonna be the best. maybe not best ever, but best - given the situation. it's gonna be good just because of the fact of me being aware of it. I know where I am (ah, well maybe not really - but I least I KNOW that I don't know where I am..) and I know why it has to be good. not for anyone else - just for me. if it's not good then something is wrong and when I've fixed it it's gonna be good again. I just know it, I feel it.
happy easter to me
got the best easter present I could think of!
thanks.
i'd given up the hope but now it's in front of me, smiling. telling me that I've been good and waited for this long so now I deserve it.
I know why I had to wait now.. because if I would have gotten it earlier it would have done more harm than good. but now - all it did was making it easier to breathe. i feel released. i feel free. and even tho' I hurt along the way, that's all in the past now. now it's all about the future. and got a kick right into it now.
so happy easter to me.
and to all of you. and hope you will get something as nice as what I got :)
i dont believe you...
looks like you've given up, you've had enough
but i want more, I wont stop cause i just know u'll come around
I just can't stand here and watch you fall
It's a bad dream, only you're still awake
But I don't mind it all
So dont pretend to not love me at all
what about me?
when you're hurting yourself - you know you're hurting me
I know sometimes I make you cry, and sometimes you just wanna die
Am I not dark enough to see your light?
where you're heading, i cannot come
I can't tell the difference - do I wanna help you? do I want you out of my life? maybe I want to hurt you? or should I fight you?
tell me how you do it.. how do you get through it?
SAVE ME!
maybe i just keep on breaking my own heart for some more time.
tmrw tmrw tmrw tmrw....
dublin here we come :)
six lost maltesers and my dearest darlings from home. how will this end?
dublin u better not make us disappointed, the expectations are SKY HIGH.
bring it!!!
by the minute..
life appears to get more complicated by the minute. seriously, what's up with that?
there is such a big difference between people, between different ages and of course nationalities. Someone really smart said something like 'you're not older than u make yourself' and 'age is just a number'. but honestly - it's more than that. a lot more. for some people it so easy, but for me its dead hard. I cannot do it. I've tried, oh boy, have I tried. but the result is always the same, there is just too much lost on the way. all I've done and all I've learned - too much to ignore. but sometimes I think we'd do better as dandelion seeds - no family, no histiry, just floating off into the world - each our own piece off fluff.
